This has been a super long week. Not only are the girls with their dad this week for Spring Break, but I have been dealing with a sick little girl to boot. Where shall I begin…?
I think I go through phases; Parker likes to call them mood swings, every few months. Maybe it is because I know I am heading home this weekend, or because I am missing my girls. Who knows, it probably is mood swings…. Nonetheless this week has been particularly rough. The baby started to get sick on Monday. I stayed home with her and the doctor told me it was nothing to worry about based on her symptoms and she didn’t need to be seen so on Tuesday I sent her back to daycare. Of course I worried about her all day…she got worse by Wednesday so I stayed with her again and we went to see the doctor. I thought surely they couldn’t know what was wrong with her without seeing her. Turns out the poor thing has a double ear infection. Bless her little heart. This is the first time she has been sick.
Anyway, I find on days when I am home alone or have a good bit of quiet time, my brain begins to wander. So all of the emotions I had been feeling the past few days came together and I was really just off my game. I had already planned to have lunch with a few girlfriends from my old firm so I kept my lunch date with them. You don’t understand—it is like pulling teeth to get these girls to keep a date during busy season. And I thought it would be a good deviation from the pity party I was having at home for myself. These girls always make me laugh and I knew they would give me good advice and take my mind off of things. I won’t go into the details of everything, but in a nutshell, they said to me, “you are a control freak (which I know), and some people are never going to be who you want them to be. There is nothing you can do…don’t expect it from them and then you won’t be let down or upset.” Here I was thinking something was wrong with me for wanting someone to be “family” and do what I know my Mama would. The minute they do not, I want to run back to what I know as family. What I wasn’t getting is that their version and my version are not the same and that is okay. I long for the support system that I had when the girls were little, that I had when I lived close to my mom and sister. This is a struggle for me everyday. I continue to have this same pity party regularly, when all I need to do is remember one of Mama’s favorite verses, Jeremiah 29:11. I may not know why I am here (literally and geographically) but He does. I also realized that I do have a support system here. They may not be family in the sense we are related, but I have made many friends since I have been here and they have become my family. I would say I have definitely learned a lesson this week that I hope to pass on…
So with that said, I am ready for a wonderful weekend with my family back home and I can’t wait to see you all!
Until next time….
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